Coaching in Motion : Resources

Article: Finding Your Flow

"Go with the flow". How many times have you heard that expression? It is such a cliché. It is one of those phrases that is supposed to sound easy-going but actually holds the underlying suggestion that since you AREN'T going with the flow, you are an inflexible, tightly wound control freak who is never up for a good time. How irritating is that?

The truth is that most of us have a very challenging time "going with the flow. We have a sense that this would require us to give up control, our own sense of direction and autonomy. We would have to give up our SELF to someone else's whim. BUT, what if you were to just go with your OWN flow? How much easier would life be then?

According to Dave Buck, the new CEO of Coach University states, the three most common roots of dissatisfaction for people are:

1. Overwhelm
2. Frustration
3. Isolation

When you are in the midst of any of these feelings, it is virtually impossible to experience any sense of success or satisfaction with your life or work.

When we are in the experience of Overwhelm, Frustration or Isolation, we feel defensive and wounded. We are in the perspective of "not enough". It is difficult to feel compassionate towards others when we feel ourselves lacking. When we don't feel that we have enough resources to take care of ourselves, our survival instinct turns on the red light and says "Hoard resources! Protect yourself! Put up the defenses!" We may not growl like a bear and bare our teeth like a tiger. Instead, we vent our frustration in road rage, snarl at the store clerk and turn a blind eye to the homeless guy on the corner.

1. What experience have you had with these feelings?
Think about a specific time when you have felt overwhelmed, frustrated or isolated. What was your life circumstance at that time?
During this time, what kind of interactions did you have with others? Describe your actions as objectively as possible.

When we are "in our flow," life seems to go smoothly. We connect easily with people who inspire us. We are able to see our opportunities and move forward. We feel confident, at ease and giving. We have a sense of compassion towards others.

2. When have you felt your most energized, inspired and "in the flow" of your life? Think back on a time when things were going great for you. What was your life situation at that time? Who were you being at that time (what kind of person would other people describe you as)?

The key to having the success that you want (by success I mean, satisfaction in your life and work) is not bulldozing your way through a life of obstacles, wielding your sword and forcing a "stiff upper lip". The key is to tune in to what WORKS for you. Tune into YOUR flow. Imagine a river. Is it easier to swim upstream or to ride the current? The current is a manifestation of energy. In a similar sense, you create energy in your life. Whether you like it or not, you DO create energy. You can either focus it in a direction that is going to propel you forward or you can use it to create monumental blocks for yourself.

Possibly you are now thinking, "Flow-shmo, what the heck is she talking about? I don't see any flow!" or "Sounds great but how the heck do I DO this?" Remember this is the intellect piece of yourself. Your spirit and intuitive self knows just what to do. Your job is to start tuning in.

Flow is not something you can see. It does not appeal to your logical mind. The analytical part of you is going to have a hard time accepting this so just tell your intellect to humor you. This is not the BRAIN department, it is the SPIRIT department of your self. Your intellect is going to want facts and proof. The key here is not to try to convince your brain that this makes sense, but to allow your intellect its skepticism and at the SAME time, take the necessary steps to start identifying your flow. If you allow your intellect to overrule with skepticism, you will sabotage yourself.

Once you identify your FLOW, you can GO with it.

Here are some steps to help you start to specify your flow.

1. When have you had the most success in your life? What was going on for you at that time? Be as specific as possible.
2. Who are you most energized and inspired by? What qualities do those people have?
3. What comes easiest to you in life? What do other people say you are good at?
4. What qualities do other people say you possess?

Look at your answers to these questions. Put them in a place where you can glance at them once a day for the next 2 weeks. Over the next 2 weeks, notice any opportunities to use this information. Conversations, articles, situations, work…just take note of any opportunities to reflect or act on this information.

You are taking your first steps towards your fullest life.