Article: Limitations and Expectations

Talking with a client today got me thinking about expectations and limitations. What we expect for and from ourselves and the ways in which we limit ourselves.

She was sharing her enthusiasm for a job she is pursuing after one of our sessions. She had clearly been excited about the prospect of this position, I could hear it in her voice. But she was preventing herself from pursuing it because of all the reasons why she "couldn't" or "shouldn't" make it work (as a new mom with a young baby).

As we talked it became clear that she was very excited about going back to work, and this gig in particular. But she couldn’t even allow herself to find out more about the position because of her own ideas regarding what she should and shouldn’t expect from her family in terms of childcare help.

I pointed out that she might not be ready to apply for the job. She was in the "information gathering" phase. Might she allow herself to contact the job just to get more information, without the pressure of applying for it, much less deciding how she would make it work with her childcare needs.

By re-framing her task as gathering information rather than selling herself to any interviewer, she was able to let go of her own restraints and make the phone call. It is a small company without a receptionist and the second in command answered the phone. Since my client did not see herself as "applying and interviewing", only asking questions, she was able to relax and engage in an honest conversation, allowing her curiosity and enthusiasm to propel her.

The job contact found her engaging and more qualified than she might have let on had she felt she was "interviewing" and has asked her to submit a CV, since she seems like a good match for the position. My client was able to ask questions and gather the information she needed to discern whether this is a good fit for her.

We often impose limitations on ourselves that keep us from moving forward. Usually these are restraints that other people see clearly as unnecessary, yet we are invested in keeping ourselves reigned in. Fear of failure, rejection, and a whole lot of "supposed tos" factor in.

One exercise to explore this is to start noticing:
What are your expectations of yourself?
Where is your energy/excitement?
What limitations do you impose on yourself?

Start noticing what your own expectations of yourself are and what are the ways in which you limit yourself. You will be surprised at what happens.

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